Dear my forgotten blog .

It's Been awhile since i write the last time i write something inside you , it's almost one year since the last post , the things inside me it's been up and down lately .

let's start with the worse part first , my college stuff seems to be so broken lately , i skip so many courses just because i'm so sure that i could move to another better university ... but the truth is all the thing is collapse now , i've seen so many E and K on that stupid transcript , it's hurt so much because the truth is i will be late for just one semester , i know that is not a problem for someone else , but this one is really get into me , i'm not that kind of "fuck it." person , i'm a nerd for god sake .I Hate the truth that i'm gonna little bit late for finish this things up , i always try harder to see the brightside on it for example : i could play music a little longer before i turn into a boring man use a neat shirt , C'mon nobody wants to be that man, where all the dreams ? it's hard to reapeat all those stuff all over again , i know it's two different thing university and school , but it's just seems like pathetic. But anyway this whole academic things is killing me , for the record i've been spent the last 12 years just for reading books and stuff that i never use , well .... just some of them anyway i even learn english from the goddamn movies and games

it's hard to talk about this to someone else , they never understand what my problem is , i'm not that dumb boy , i'm even pretty smart to remember stuff and those stupid formula , i just hate to be not who i am .

when my brother move to jakarta and dump everything up , it's a brave decision for him , and risk of course .. but they all now stare at me , to not become that mucisian like my brother , they just don't want me to throw it all away like my brothers did , i reduce this masterplan dreams about being mucisian day by day just to make my mom happy , i surrender under this circumstances , do i have any option? do i have any alternative way? there's no one listen and speak to me anyway , i used to face this kind of problem by myself and solve the things up by myself . there's no one listen to my story

if they found this as a suicide note , it's not . i've been so many terrible condition more than this , but the things is no one knows i just by myself and shout at myself , i fall alone , i climb alone , i spare time just with myself , so....

good night .